Well… it’s been 14 years since I started this journey as of June 2nd, 2026. I posted my first YouTube video and decided to commit to making more videos and art on June 2nd, 2012. A lot has happened. The major thing is that I was able to go to Paris and make a travel series album. I had everything posted here but my domain and hosting expired late last year and I didn’t renew or back up the blog after 2020. What I have backed up wasn’t my old posts just random pages from an import .xml file. It looks broken and horrible so I won’t post it here. Back then, I resign myself to letting this website die. I still have 90 percent of the artwork I made from 2012 to 2023 ending with the Paris travel series album. There was a time where I lost some work due to my computer dying but I think that was in 2013.
Anyway… the only reason why I decided to put this website back up is that I’m a delusional idiot. You know what they say about someone doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well… I started a new website with the same focus. Making shitty art but this time I wanted to test myself to see if I can post art daily for nine months straight. I wanted to put this website back up to link this site with the new one. Back in 2015, I did a challenge for 30 days and that was really tough. This nine month challenge has been crazy. Every day I learn more about myself. Learn how truly pointless I am in this reality. Just trash… I’m three months in and it’s just been a joke. This was what I expected but I wanted to also see if being consistent was the true missing link to why this website wasn’t successful.
I’ve taken breaks, mainly because of life issues and having no confidence in myself or my work. I’ve tried to make enough money outside of my dead end job so I could do this full time. Everything I’ve tried has failed. I’m old now. And I don’t feel like trying anymore. I feel like a joke and this website and the new one is a reflection of that. It’s never enough. I put so much time into this and it’s still shit. It’s still trash… but oh well… That’s life.
Since the posts after Paris are gone, I must say that it was sincerely the best moments of my life. Being inside the Eiffel Tower on my 38th Birthday was a magical moment in time for me. I don’t need anything more than that. It was a life dream. Being there was a dream come true for me. I wish there was some way I can make it back to Paris and stay there but I know in my heart that won’t happen.
I don’t know if I’ll make to the nine months for my art challenge. I feel like my soul has given up. I don’t have much drive to live anymore. I’m just tired… really fucking tired. It will be a wonderful day when I’m dead. It has truly been a disaster from start to finish. So many scars… physical and mental.
If anyone visits this website you can see all the work I created on the B83 Youtube Channel. I won’t delete that and you can see my Paris travel series on that channel. Links are below.
I’m going to try to pay for the website and hosting for several years. Just as a historical reference. Or just me being insane, refusing to let my work be erased from history. It’s up to me. I know that this means nothing but there were plenty of moments where it made me smile. Feel a sweetness I never felt outside of working with color. Some blends felt like bliss to find along the journey.
That has to mean something, right?